Well, here’s my reflection on the past year. I will take things in the order I contemplated them.
The “word or phrase I would use to summarize 2006” jumped out at me, and was the first thing I wrote down: Year of deaths.
2006 saw the death of many things for me:
- Our church shut down.
- Our leadership role in a church came to an end.
- My thoughts of an opportunity for radical change to create a new kind of church did not work out.
- For the first time in 15 years, we are not in a Vineyard church.
- In fact, there are no more Vineyards left in San Jose.
- The Bridge Community in Ventura whom I love also shut down.
- My dream job turned out to suck.
- With our kids at a new stage, our social life came to a screeching halt.
The year was not a total loss. I think we succeeded in “finishing well” with Cornerstone Vineyard. A dozen people from our Vineyard went to this year’s Soliton Sessions. I have hope for a new job. Our marriage is stronger than ever, and I learned an important lesson: Any ministry I attempt without Kay will not work well.
But all in all, I find myself at the strangest point in my faith-journey since I had my first encounter with God at age 11. I have run out of both passion and faith. Everything I have been passionate about has been deconstructed, and I am left with nothing. The one thing that is stronger is the love and life we share in our marriage and family. Other than that, I am empty.
And maybe, just maybe, I’m in a good place for God to begin something new—on his terms.
++ Now, more than anyTHING
or any agenda
I need you, oh Lord ++